May 2013
1 post
Easter's So Nice. I Have It Twice. еще раз
I’ve been standing at my open closet considering what to wear to Russian Easter services tomorrow night with Luba, Natalie, Daniel and Scarlett. I like so many things about this ritual. I specially like that these three children have known each other since their first months on this earth and no matter how long they’re parted they always react like long lost and much loved cousins...
April 2013
5 posts
Hocus Pocus Hair
Little known fact about me is that I naturally sport an Irish orphan’s fro. It’s like cobwebs of wool on my head. And while a lot of the tendrils curl, most of them kink. They have minds of their angry own and seldom listen to reason without the intervention of extreme heat or chemicals.
So back in the day, I had this hair and my sister had that Farrah Fawcett blonde “do”...
I Wish Janie Had A Gun.
I had one car door open and on my belly, cleaning yech from the floorboard mats. I was scrubbing a fair bit when I heard a man yell/hiss/snarl at someone with such contempt I thought it could only be another guy who was the focus of such vile contempt. “I SAID COME ON ALREADY…. YOU’RE SO F_______ SLOW!!!” It was so much of an unglued fury that I had to see what was up....
Tricky. But True.
I am an actor. Not a model. I am not uppity or the slightest bit vain with my artistic appearance. However, if I am to look like Satan’s’ ass crack on one episode of television you should know that I expect an offer and will not jump through hoops to get that role.
The only proviso of course is unless there’s an Emmy in the offing. Then see how high and through how many hoops...
Pretty Is As Prayerful Does.
In the Bible, Elisha prayed over a widow who’d fallen on desperate times and the “Miracle of the Never Ending Oil” happened. Here today, a certain short on funds actress, who could no longer afford Latisse, was forced to stop using it but after much prayer on her own pleading part, her eyelashes stayed as flashy and cow-calf-long as they had for all those once upon a time months...
January 2013
1 post
Crushing With Kiersten Through The Years
This man’s suicide should have put me in therapy if my parents had ever known how deeply rocked I was over the whole thing. And how much I loved him. But who would’ve guessed at age 9 that such a thing was possible. Oh the Freddy Prinze of it all. Sigh.
I pretended to be a journalist for our school’s newspaper so I could land an interview with Wrestling Hawaii superstar, Rick Martel. I wasn’t...
December 2012
1 post
November 2012
1 post
October 2012
8 posts
Portals
Portals
Seven years ago, Kirk was starting a season on Law and Order playing Jerry Orbach’s partner. That Jerry was dying of cancer became painfully evident and made the whole silly business of production dicey to impossible. That Kirk loved him from their first interaction is not overstatement. Jerry spent the last months of his life doing what he loved, acting, even if it meant showing up...
My Favorite Husband
Week one of shooting Paradise, a pilot for Showtime, I went home and told my then husband that it was over between us.
To realize that you married a man to help take care of you and your child is to understand the core of your character flaws. In my defense, it can be argued that it is close to impossible to separate the Mama Bear’s needs from that of her cub’s. I knew I needed help taking care...
Crazy As A Cut Snake
She built her home with dry bones of regret.
A rickety shelter for certain.
Carved my name in her thigh
with a fork made for pie,
gulping pain for the pleasure of hurting.
The inverse of worship is stalking.
And those who can’t love learn to loathe.
It’s all day, every minute, the ticking infinite
in me that you bathe and you clothe.
And maddening that
I suppose…
I said,
“And maddening...
I Would Call Her Krosgaard
When you take a dog sled ride at Krabloonik, (outside Aspen) at the ride’s end, before you leave to see the naughty puppies, they ask that you take the time to personally thank each dog in your team. This is delivered by way of cuddles, ear caresses and words of praise and encouragement.
For all the warm luxury that the restaurant offers with its’ elk, and venison stews, steaks, chops and...
"Bury Me Standing Because I've Been On My Knees My...
Their tent flaps were flying around like a wild egret wresting itself from a captor’s grasp. The wind whipped our hair as we alighted down out of the car halfway down the barren, arid road on our 6 hour drive to Mammoth Lakes.
Leave it to Kirk to spot their sign of “Handpainted Furniture.” He must’ve been someone’s Grandmother from the old country, so fond is he of doilies and French...
Word Up Kirk
Last Christmas Kirk decided that we, (me, him, child and two dogs) should drive to Iowa to see my family. I hemmmmed and I hawwwwed. ”It will be adventureful,” Said my husband.
I’m used to this curious verbiage coming out his mouth. Once after a two week vacation, our sprinkler system went down and looking at our sad lawn Kirk goes, “It’s like apartheid.” These days, as the official Kirk...
The Choker, Chico, And the Man
Without question it was the suicide of Freddie Prinze in January of 1977 that stole my solo singing voice from me. I was 11 and up until then quite content to rival my Father for the title of “Biggest Showoff Belter” of the family.
We were Baptist missionaries to Hawaii. If God has to call you anywhere, let it be Hawaii. It sucketh not.
When we weren’t serving in the mission...
Grab Shell Dude
The soft beaches of Borneo are in direct contrast with the hard travel one must endure to eventually get there.
My ex used to have special criteria for taking a trip. He called them vacations. I called them, “Punishment for something really awful I must have done in a past life.”
Firstly, it must be a place I had no interest in visiting.
Secondly. There should be nothing to buy that would...
September 2012
8 posts
Vesper Lynd. Christian Spy Kid.
We were missionaries. So of course we had missions.
As a young child, I used to look for the mask line of demarcation on my Mom’s neck whenever I thought she was not quite herself. Perhaps she was a shade grumpier than I would have liked in regards to thwarting me this way or that. “Well that can’t be my Mother” I’d reason to myself in a bad English accent....
Religious Tofu. Me.
I am religious tofu.
I can worship with anyone nicely and soak up their flavors
without altering my own basic faithful constitutions.
Today's Magic Menu
I picked Scarlett up, set her on the kitchen counter and said, “I’m alerting you to the fact that something very special is about to happen and I want you to remember it for all times and take careful note as to where you were when it happened. Because you’ll be forever changed.” She looked at me like I was about to produce a unicorn. What I did instead was play her her...
STFU!
Tectonic plates shift
when whispers collide.
The air twists of menace
and warns woe betide.
Tis an idiot’s folly.
A bored woman’s game.
To gossip, and gallop
away on their shame.
Cheeky Monkey
Scarlett insisted on bringing in to school my old 1” Chococat binder instead of the 2” version that her teacher had specifically asked for. She gave him (Mr. Salmeron) the same winning excuse she gave me. That the plain binders hurt her soul as an artist. He’s allowing it for now. And as per usual she’s playing us all. I’ll allow the manipulation because it...
The Long Reaching Branches of the Elm Crest
He looked sunburnt and too old to be wandering around unattended. But he came at me fast with his hand out and either it was the constant flicking in and out of his tongue, or just the sheer size of him, which was impressive to a shadow throwing height of 6’4” at least. I heard myself saying, “no thank you.” Which really makes no sense at all.
I remember as a child...
She Used To Say, "Yarden" For "Garden."
She’s so savvy. Tells our puppy, Harlan that he’s “such a menace.” She kisses me goodbye every morning yet doesn’t hold my hand to the school door. She’s in the third grade.
Old enough to know better and young enough to do it anyway.
Today I felt like the below pictures and the fact that she still says, “re’Wember” for...
Why Does The Rug Smell Funny?
With Scarlett asleep on the couch, I tiptoed by in the half light to smile at the wonder of her. Such a sweet child. Until my foot connected with her secret snack of a dangerously open pickle jar filled with its tiny kosher dills. Scarlett believes that lids are optional only. Gentle suggestions, much the way magazines suggest we pair busy prints with other busy prints. We may or may not...
August 2012
2 posts
I'll Get You. And Your Little Dog Too.
The bad ass-ness efficacy quotient of this picture is somewhat negated by the
contented and perching, foofy, little white dog resting on Kirk’s middle.
I’ll give you that.
Oh and then there’s my bandaged, broken finger.
That might lessen the severity of your postured beating as well.
But take away the small white woman, and the small white dog,
And Kirk alone could...
The Socialist State Of My Makeup Bag.
There’s an unspoken language between myself and young Scarlett.
A kind of intuited short hand.
And it’s only spoken when it comes to lip gloss.
Whoever first applies will then hand it to the other without being asked,
before assessing the other’s need,
and even without expecting thanks or big to do.
Happens in the car, at home, at church.
I didn’t even...
June 2012
6 posts
2 tags
To You, From Me. Sincerely.
Children become the keepers of their parent’s lost causes.
Be a better parent by working on a better you.
Tryina Make A Dollar Outta Fifteen Cents!
Would someone super smart
please advance the technology
of coin making machines.
As it is
they’re too easily beset
by a dog eared dollar!
2 tags
It Came To A Head, All In My Head, And All On A...
I would never tell you that I suffer from auras. That I get them, absolutely. That they then come with a dull headache chaser, yeah, that too. But the word “suffer” seems to be fishing for sympathy when to me the aura is a celebrated thing in history. Not a pitiable sickly symptom.
An aura. “A subtle field of luminous radiation surrounding a person like a halo.” Not so...
Grab Shell Dude
The soft beaches of Borneo are in direct contrast with the hard travel one must endure to eventually get there.
My ex used to have special criteria for taking a trip. He called them vacations. I called them, “Punishment for something really awful I must have done in a past life.”
Firstly, it must be a place I had no interest in visiting.
Secondly. There should be nothing to buy that would...
Hate Is A Strong Word, But Sometimes, Sadly...
It has to be
by someone’s
wryronic design
that the words,
“terrorist” and “tourist”
are but one
slurry slip of the tongue
from becoming
one another.
For Two Year Old Liam. For Whom I Met at...
Toddlers are stalwart pests. Taking to their work with greater conviction than the most decorated, do-gooding agent of service. Their goals and aims are never compromised by reason or authority or big words. “Thwart me not or pay with your misery.” Your choice. Signed, The Terrorist. As a wartime paradigm one must study the pre-schooler.
May 2012
8 posts
Misti Dawn Akemi Traya
Misti Dawn Akemi Traya
I remember being fifteen and pregnant
and overhearing my least favorite cousin talking about me
before I burst in with a tray of lemonade.
I tend to live my life as the star of a Mexican soap opera,
or the pitiable yet plucky subject of a Tom Waits song.
“Well let’s face it, she’s ruined her life.”
Said Miss Judgey Judgerton with a giggle of glee.
What I learned...
Harlan
It’s eighty-five steps between my sister’s house and my Moms,
One for every memory that keeps me forever tethered to this mid-western town
where I have never lived,
but where I magically know the language, the shorthand and the shortcuts
that traverse across my soul
and say “Welcome Home.”
The Mortification Of Countess SPF 50.
This sun is wreaking havoc on my nineteenth century, consumptive poetess’ complexion.
Only way to solve this is with a parasol.
Problem is, Scarlett wants to hold it for me.
Everywhere we go.
She will not be thwarted.
Which is just great.
I cannot even tell you
how I’ve always longed
to arrive everywhere
looking like King Julian and Mort.
Sigh.
End Of An Era. Desperate Housewives.
Because in the end
aren’t we all just
walking wounded imperfections
looking for love?
Making every last one of us
to a certain degree,
Desperate Housewives.
Thank you for letting me take such a “Look-at-me” turn on such a grand stage.
The Old Pali Road
Growing up in Hawaii, much of my childhood’s entertainment was spent knee deep in a stream behind our house catching fish with a net and putting them in a bucket to feed live to my Oscar fish at home.
I would every so often catch sight of a mongoose who would’ve loved nothing more than to have me wander off so he could steal my bounty.
“Shove off, Gypsy!” I’d...
Edges Of You
I will squish and squash and stuff you to be,
the definition of living vicariously.
Cuz what happens for you
may as well as be me.
The cleverest trick this vicariously.
When you look in the mirror
Don’t you see me?
Those edges of you
that haunt into me.
My smile is yours but it’s smeared with regret.
The shines gone from my song. I’m a silent duet.
But I want what I...
I Pray Thee, Impossible Possum.
Possibly the only thing more disconcerting than blinking wide awake at 2:00 AM is to have that first gaze met by a possum staring in at you, sitting on your property’s bordering wall, and backlit by a quivering moon.
Once that first shocked breath had passed I took a moment to regard him in his silvery splendor. He was in no particular hurry. Not a great beauty when assessed by those who...
The Thin, Almost Undetectable, Line That Divides.
Before saying night time prayers with Scarlett she gave me a hug and told me that she’s proud of me for, “going out there and making it happen.”
And then I giggled so long and recovered so poorly that I choked and snorted with laughter through her whole prayer.
Afterwards, she looked at me like I do her when I’m not altogether mad but don’t want to support the...
April 2012
4 posts
The Choker, Chico, And My Man
Without question it was the suicide of Freddie Prinze in January of 1977 that stole my solo singing voice from me. I was 11 and up until then quite content to rival my Father for the title of “Biggest Showoff Belter” of the family.
We were Baptist missionaries to Hawaii. If God has to call you anywhere, let it be Hawaii. It sucketh not.
When we weren’t serving in the mission...
Son, You Have A Panty On Your Head.
After an entire childhood of my older sister insisting all her friends should ignore me because I am only trying to get attention, which I was. It would seem now that she has had a change of heart.
She posted this yesterday on her FB page.
“No one is funnier than you! Thanks for keeping us all laughing and smiling through the years. Mom reminded me the other day of that time, when we...
See How Pretty I am In My Stockholm Syndrome!
I’m genuinely excited for the Rashad Evans vs Jon Jones fight Saturday night. Interesting that, because I don’t even really know why.
Similarly, I now overly invest emotionally in anything the Knicks, the Giants or the Yankees accomplish. So curious when once upon a time the only sports that were gifted with my viewership would be gymnastics and ice skating. And that’s it. And...
Funky Cold Medina
I have one pleasant Moroccan memory. Just one. I had been in Marbella, Spain for my sister’s wedding and took the ferry down into Morocco. Why I didn’t go into Portugal instead, is one the bigger mistakes of my tourist life. Beings as “A Small Death in Lisbon” is one of my favorite books, in retrospect it would’ve been the way to go.
My ex and I were on a train...
March 2012
11 posts
Aint No Stoppin' Us Now...We're On The Move.
Wiley and withstanding
in the great oncoming wind.
Blow on woeful feeling,
back to where you’ve been.
Remind Me Not To Go Fishing For Compliments In...
A pretty woman being followed today down the street was obviously distressed, didn’t know her follower and he pinged the creep meter. I had seen him earlier in the grocery store parking lot circling another pretty woman. He wasn’t panhandling so I didn’t know his mischief exactly but that it was nefarious went without saying. So this new woman he’s now following down the...
Do These Yoga Pants Make Me Look Unemployed??
"Many Men, Wished Death Upon Me, Blood In My Eye,...
So in the wee hours of the morning, and from the street, I hear a guy yelling “Help, Help!” Again it came. “Help!”
Kirk jumps up from a sound sleep and heads to the gun safe. Yes, we’re those people. I hear the beep beep beep beep beep beep. And then him handling something heavy and metal.
This is a man who takes his Superman underwear from Target seriously. My last image is of him slipping...
I Can Dance With Ya Honey, If You Think it's...
I like my brown suede motorcycle boots.
Why they were a present from Kirk when I found out I was pregnant, I’ll never know.
But the bigger mystery would be why I haven’t worn them more over the years.
Because they are in fact, tragically hip and incredibly cool.
Was thinking all of this when a car, driven by a driver listening to his nano on earphones, backed into me without looking and one...
